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Script

Episode 112 - The Postponement
pc: 702, season 7, episode 2
Broadcast date: September 28, 1995

Written by Larry David
Directed by Andy Ackerman

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The Cast
Regulars:
Jerry Seinfeld ....................... Jerry Seinfeld
Jason Alexander .................. George Costanza
Julia Louis-Dreyfus ............. Elaine Benes
Michael Richards ................. Cosmo Kramer

Guest Stars:

Bruce Mahler ...................... Rabbi (Glickman)
Kelly Perine ........................ Usher
John Rubano ...................... Man
Evie Peck ........................... Woman
rc: Heidi Swedberg ............ Susan Biddle Ross

==================================================================

[JERRY and ELAINE are walking down the street and Kramer is parking his car]

ELAINE: Hey, good news. My dog problem has been solved.

JERRY: Really? What happened?

ELAINE: Well, there's this rabbi in my building. You've met him. Very nice man.

JERRY: Isn't he the one with the show on cable?

ELAINE: Yea, yeah, yeah,. So I spoke to him about the dog. He went down. Talked to the owner. She agr4eed to keep the dog inside from now on.

JERRY: That's great.

ELAINE: I know.

(Kramer crashing into parking spot)

JERRY: That looks pretty good.

ELAINE: He's in.

JERRY: Hey, say, you know, we haven't even discussed George's engagement yet.

ELAINE: What's to discuss?

JERRY: Come on! GEORGE: is getting married!

ELAINE: Is he happy?



[At the restaurant! GEORGE: is coming from the bathroom to sit with his bride-to-be.]

GEORGE: I will never understand the bathrooms in this country. Why is it that the doors on the stalls do not come all the way down to the floor?

SUSAN: Well, maybe it's so you can see if there's someone in there.

GEORGE: Isn't that why we have locks on the doors?

SUSAN: Well, as a backup system, in case the lock is broken, you can see if it's taken.

GEORGE: A backup system? We're designing bathroom doors with our legs exposed in anticipation of the locks not working? That's not a system. That's a complete breakdown of the system.

SUSAN: Can we change the subject, please?

GEORGE: Why? What's wrong with the subject? This is a bad subject?

SUSAN: No, fine. If you wanna keep talking about it, we'll talk about it.

GEORGE: It's not that I want to keep talking about it? just think that the subject should resolve itself based on its own momentum.

SUSAN: Well, I didn't think that it had any momentum.

GEORGE: (To himself) How am I gonna do this? I'm engaged to this woman? She doesn't even like me. Change the subject? Toilets were the subject. We don't even share the same interests.



[Jerry's]

JERRY: Yeah, he seems pretty happy.

ELAINE: Well, that's all that counts, I guess.

JERRY: What's the matter?

ELAINE: Oh, nothin'.

JERRY: Well, you don't seem too enthused about the whole thing.

ELAINE: Well, what do you want me to do?

JERRY: Well, at least have some reaction to it.

ELAINE: …Well, I don't.

JERRY: Maybe you're a little jealous.

ELAINE: Oh, what? You think I wanna marry George?

JERRY: No! But maybe you wish it was you who was getting married, not him.

ELAINE: Oh, please! That is the last thing that I want.

JERRY: Oh, yeah. Right.

ELAINE: Yeah, right.

JERRY: Lainy!

ELAINE: Jerry!

JERRY: You don't wanna get married?

ELAINE: Yeah, that's right. I don't wanna get married.

JERRY: Oh, come on!

ELAINE: Oh, you come on.

JERRY: You're such...

(Kramer enters)

KRAMER: Oh, hey!

JERRY: Hey.

KRAMER: Elaine, listen, I was talking to a friend about this dog business. Do you realize this is gonna be on our permanent records? Are you aware of this?

ELAINE: Oh, dear.

KRAMER: It can never be erased. It'll follow us wherever we go for the rest of our lives. I'll never be able to get a job. I mean, doesn't that concern you? Everything I've worked for...down the drain because of one stupid mistake. I mean, aren't we entitled to make one mistake in our lives, Jerry?

JERRY: We're gonna change the system.

KRAMER: Yes!

ELAINE: Well, I could care less. I hope it is on our record. I'm just sorry they didn't lock me up.



[Outside Elaine's place]

ELAINE: Oh, hello, Rabbi Krischma.

RABBI: ELAINE:! Always a pleasure to see you.

ELAINE: Thanks again for taking care of that dog for us.

RABBI: Elaine, often times in life there are problems, and just as often there are solutions.

ELAINE: Yeah, I suppose.

RABBI: Elaine, you don't seem yourself today. You seem, if I may say, troubled.

ELAINE: No, Rabbi, I'm not myself.

RABBI: Come upstairs. We'll have a talk.



[At Jerry's apartment. George trots in after his lunch with Kiki and Big Jer is kicking back with a paper.]

JERRY: Hey!

GEORGE: I want your honest opinion about something.

JERRY: Have I ever been less than forthright?

GEORGE: No, you haven't. Well, maybe you have. What do I know.

JERRY: Yeah, I probably have. Yeah, of course I have. What am I talking about?

GEORGE: All right. Okay, tell me what you think about this idea: Extend the doors on the toilet stalls at Yankee Stadium all the way to the floor.

JERRY: Extend the doors on the toilet stalls at Yankee Stadium to the floor ...door comes down. Hides your feet. Yes. I like it. I like it a lot.

GEORGE: It's good, right?

JERRY: I think it's fantastic. I think it's a fantastic idea.

GEORGE: You do?

JERRY: Yes, I do.

GEORGE: Well, I told it to Susan before, and she didn't like it.

JERRY: Hmm.

GEORGE: Yeah. Not only that, this is what she said to me, "Can we change the subject?"

JERRY: See, now that I don't care for.

GEORGE: Right. I mean, we're on a subject. Why does it have to be changed?

JERRY: It should resolve of its own volition.

GEORGE: That's exactly what I said, except I used the word "momentum".

JERRY: Momentum - same thing.

GEORGE: Same thing. My god, I'm getting married in December, do you know that?

JERRY: Yeah, I know.

GEORGE: Well, I don't see how I'm gonna make December. I mean, I need a little more time. I mean, look at me I'm a nervous wreck. My stomach aches. My neck is killing me. I can't turn. Look. Look.

JERRY: You're turning.

GEORGE: Nah, it's not a good turn. December. December. Don't you think we should have a little more time just to get to know each other a little.

JERRY: If you need more time, you should have more time.

GEORGE: What, you think I could postpone it?

JERRY: Sure you can. Why not?

GEORGE: That's allowed? You're allowed to postpone it?

JERRY: I don't see why not.

GEORGE: So, I could do that?

JERRY: Sure, go ahead.

GEORGE: All right! All right. I'll tell you what. How about this? Got the date; March 21st, the first day of spring.

JERRY: Spring. Of course.

GEORGE: Huh? You know? Spring. Rejuvenation. Rebirth. Everything's blooming. All that crap.

JERRY: Beautiful.

GEORGE: She's not gonna like it.

JERRY: No, she's not.

GEORGE: You know, I think I'm a little bit scared of her. She's five-three, like a hundred pounds. I'm frightened to death of her.

JERRY: Well, she's a woman. They don't like to be disappointed.

GEORGE: Especially her. She does not like disappointment. Well, I have to do it. I can't make December. There's no way I can make December. Right? I mean, you can see that, right? I mean, look at me. Look. Look. Can I make December? I can't make December. Right? Look. Look.

JERRY: Yeah, you'd better shoot for March.

(Kramer enters)

KRAMER: Hey, hey.

GEORGE: March 21st. Hey! So, you're gonna back me on this, right?

JERRY: Oh, all the way.

GEORGE: You are a good friend. You know what? Even if you killed somebody I wouldn't turn you in.

JERRY: Is that so?

JERRY: Hey, Kramer if I killed somebody would you turn me in?

KRAMER: Definitely.

JERRY: You're kidding?

KRAMER: No, no, I would turn you in.

JERRY: You would turn me in?

KRAMER: Phwap, I wouldn't even think about it.

JERRY: I can't believe your a friend of mine.

KRAMER: What kind of person are you going around killing people?

JERRY: Well, I am sure I had a good reason.

KRAMER: Well,, if you'll kill this person, who's to say I wouldn't be next?

JERRY: But you know me!

KRAMER: I thought I DID!



[Rabbi's apartment]

ELAINE: I'm not a very religious person but I do feel as if I'm in need of some guidance here.

RABBI: Would you care for a snack of some kind? I have the Snackwells which are very popular but I think that sometimes with the so called fat free cookies people may overindulge forgetting they may be high in calories

ELAINE: Thank you I am not very hungry. Anyway, um, this friend of mine, George, got engaged .

RABBI: How wonderful.

ELAINE: Yeah, yeah, well, for some reason, um, I just find myself just overcome with feelings of jealousy and resentment.

RABBI: Doesn't it give you any joy to see your friend enter into this holiest of unions?

ELAINE: No, no, no it doesn't. No joy no joy whatsoever. Just the whole think makes me . . sick.

RABBI: You know, Elaine, very often we cannot see the forest for the trees.

ELAINE: Yeah, I don't know what that means.

RABBI: Well, for example, say there's a forest, . . .

ELAINE: You see the thing is we It should have been me. You know, I'm smart. I'm attractive.

RABBI: You know my temple has many single functions.

ELAINE: No, no, it's okay.

RABBI: My nephew Alex is someone who is also looking perhaps …

ELAINE: I don't think so.

RABBI: He owns a flower store. Very successful.



[Outside Coffee shop]

JERRY: So you're nothing but a stoolie. Admit it.

KRAMER: Hey, don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

JERRY: Another Café Latte?

KRAMER: You better believe it.

KRAMER: Since when are you so trendy?

JERRY: Hey, baby. I set the trends. Who do you think started this whole Café Latte?

JERRY: I don't recall you drinking Café Latte.

KRAMER: I've been drinking Café Latte since the fifth grade and I haven't looked back.

JERRY: Hey, Planet 9 From Outer Space is playing tomorrow night. One show only.

KRAMER: I've always wanted to see this.

JERRY: You know I was supposed to see this five years ago. I was in a Chinese restaurant with George and Elaine and got all screwed up trying to get a table and I missed it.

KRAMER: Well, yeah, lets do it uh?

JERRY: Look at this Jerry, dropping paper on the ground. That's littering.

JERRY: Maybe you better call the cops and turn me in.

KRAMER: Maybe I will.

 

[George's]

GEORGE: Hi,

SUSAN: How was your day?

GEORGE: Good, good day. How was your day?

SUSAN: Mine was okay. So what's goin' on?

GEORGE: Oh, nothin' much. I went over to jerry's, uh, talked to Jerry.

SUSAN: Oh, the Lowers want to get together with us on Friday night.

GEORGE: The Lowers, really?

SUSAN: You don't want to go?

GEORGE: No, I want to go.

SUSAN: So what did Jerry have to say?

GEORGE: Oh, nothin' much, . . . talkin'. . . . Oh, oh, oh, did I have an unbelievable idea today!

SUSAN: Oh, yeah, the toilets. You told me.

GEORGE: Yeah, ha ha, It's not the toilets, it's not the toilets. It's something else. Are you ready for this?

SUSAN: Yeah.

GEORGE: Okay, how about this? All right, we get married March 21st, the first day of Spring.

SUSAN: What do you mean? You want to postpone the wedding?

GEORGE: No, no no it's not about postponing. I just think the first day of Spring is the perfect day to get married. You know, Spring! Rejuvenation! Rebirth! Everything is blooming all the …

SUSAN: If you don't want to marry me, George, just say so. (crying) Say so.

GEORGE: Still marry , still marry.

SUSAN: You don't love me.

GEORGE: Sstill love. Still love.

SUSAN: My parents told me you were too neurotic and that I was making a mistake.

GEORGE: No no no, no mistake, no mistake. No, no , listen, we're going to get married over Christmas, I …It doesn't make any difference to me. It's fine. Really.

SUSAN: Are you sure?

GEORGE: Yeah, yeah, sure, Christmas. Snow. Santa. All that stuff.



[Monk's]

JERRY: Let me take a guess. She cried and you caved.

GEORGE: How did you know that?

JERRY: I live and breath my friend. . . . I live and breath.

GEORGE: I got to tell you I felt terrible. I really thought she was going to collapse and kill herself.

JERRY: tes, it's very difficult. Few men have the constitution for it. That's why breakups take two or three tries. You gotta build up your immunity.

GEORGE: You see those tears streaming down you don't know what to do. It was like she was on fire and I was trying to put her out.

JERRY: Well, at least you probably had some, uh, pretty good make-up sex after.

GEORGE: I didn't have any sex.

JERRY: You didn't have make-up sex? How could you not have make-up sex? I mean that's the best feature of the heavy relationship.

GEORGE: I didn't have make-up sex.

JERRY: In your situation the only sex you're going to have better than make-up sex is if you're dent to prison and you have a conjugal visit.

GEORGE: Yeah, conjugal visit sex. That is happening!

WOMAN: (crying)

MAN: I can tell you're very upset but I'm sorry I'm not goin'

GEORGE: Did you here that? I can't believe this he's eating his sandwich.

MAN: Are you going to eat thoise fries?

GEORGE: This is amazing. (George gets up to leave and shake's man's hand) Thank you. Thank you very much. . . . I'm going back in! . . . You'll feel better (to woman)

JERRY: . . . Poor bastard.



[Outside Elaine's]

JERRY: Good evening, Rabbi.

RABBI: Good evening. And how does this evening find you?

JERRY: Well, Rabbi, well.

RABBI: I trust you are here to see your friend, Elaine.

JERRY: Yeah, that's right.

RABBI: I hope she's feeling better.

JERRY: What do you mean?

RABBI: She didn't tell you?

JERRY: No.

RABBI: Well it seems the engagement of her ffriend George has left her feeling bitter and hostile.

JERRY: is that so?

RABBI: Yes, in fact she told me that she wishes she was the one getting married.

JERRY: Really?

RABBI: She came off as pretty desperate.

JERRY: I didn't know any of this.

RABBI: Apparently she doesn't think much of this George fellow either. I recall the word loser peppered throughout her conversation.

JERRY: Hum, well it all comes as news to me.



[George's apartment]

GEORGE: (enters) Hi.

SUSAN: Hi, how was your day?

GEORGE: Good, good day. How was your day?

SUSAN: Ah, it was okay. What's going on?

GEORGE: Oh, nothing much. You know, I went over to Jerry's. Talked to Jerry. Um, could I talk to you for a minute?

SUSAN: Yeah, sure.

GEORGE: You see this is the thing. . . . (crying) I just feel . . . mumble, cry, mumble, . . . I'm scared. You and I together, (cry)

SUSAN: George, of course, of course it can wait until march if that is what you want.

GEORGE: Yeah?

SUSAN: Oh, don't worry your head. Of course.

GEORGE: All right. (smiles behind her back)



[Elaine's]

ELAINE: I've got that magazine article for you.

JERRY: You iknow I talked to the rabbi outside.

ELAINE: Are you

JERRY: Understand you had a little talk with him too.

ELAINE: Yeah, talked earlier.

JERRY: Yes I know, I know.

ELAINE:. . . What does that mean?

JERRY: Nothing, nothing.

ELAINE: He didn't mention . . .

JERRY: Yes he did.

ELAINE: He told you about our conversation?

JERRY: We had quite a little chat.

ELAINE: He told you about . . .

JERRY: Yes, about how you're very jealous of George. How you wished it was you who were getting married instead of him.

ELAINE: He told you all that? How could he?

JERRY: It didn't take much prodding either, I must say.

ELAINE: Can he do that?

JERRY: He did it.

ELAINE: But he's a Rabbi! How can a Rabbi have such a big mouth?

JERRY: That's what's so fascinating.

(Movie line)

JERRY: You better finish your little café latte there. They won't let you in with it.

KRAMER: Why not?

JERRY: Because they don't allow outside drinks into the movie.

KRAMER: Well that's stupid

JERRY: That's the rule.

KRAMER: Well, we'll just see if we can't get around that.

(Kramer puts coffee cup into his pants)



[Rabbi's apartment]

RABBI: Oh, Elaine. Come in. Come in. So nice to see you again.

ELAINE: Yeah…

RABBI: Can I offere you some Kasha Varnishkas?

ELAINE: No, no. Listen, Rabbi, I'd like to ask you a question. Why, why did you tell my friend Jerry what I talked to you about?

RABBI: Was that a problem for you?

ELAINE: Of course it was a problem for me. . . . You didn't, you didn't tell anyone else about this, did you?

RABBI: Well, let's see? I seem to recall a conversation with Mrs. Winston in 1F.

ELAINE: Mrs. Winston?

RABBI: Yes, we were waiting for our mail to arrive and I happened to mention to her how you felt that it was never going "to happen" for you.

ELAINE: What about Don Ramsey? You didn't mention anything to him did you?

RABBI: Don Ramsey?

ELAINE: You know that tall really good looking guy, he lives on the fifth floor.

RABBI: Oh him! Well this morning I found myself in the elevator with him…

ELAINE: my god, you didn't.

(Movie theatre)

JERRY: Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me

KRAMER: Oh, yow, oow Ah!

USHER: Hey, hey, what's going on? What just happened here?

KRAMER: Nothing Nothing.

USHER: Whatya got? One of those Café Latte's in your shirt?

KRAMER: I don't have anything. Ask him.

(Jerry makes a silent drink gesture)

USHER: All right, come on Coffee Boy, bring it out.

KRAMER: What?!

USHER: Here you go.

KRAMER: Ow

(Kramer leaves)



[Jerry's apartment]

ELAINE: But the whole thing is a mess. He told everyone in the building. I met that cute guy on the fifth floor. I mean he could barely bring himself to nod.

JERRY: Elaine, if I could say a word here about Jewish people. That man in no way represents our ability to take in a nice piece of juicy gossip and keep it to ourselves.

ELAINE: You didn't say this to George, did you?

JERRY: No, . . . about how you wish it was YOU who was getting married instead of him? Feelings of resentment, hostility?

ELAINE: Yeah that! So, . . .

(George enters)

GEORGE: Hey oh.

ELAINE: GEORGIE! CONGRATULATIONS! Oh, my god. I haven't seen you since it happened. I'm so happy for you.

GEORGE: Alright, thanks a lot.

ELAINE: Oh, come on. You really, really deserve it.

(Gives George a kiss)

GEORGE: Oh, deserve! I don't know if I deserve...I mean...

ELAINE: Are you kidding? I have seen the changes in you the past couple of years. Man, you have grown. You've matured.

GEORGE: Well, I guess I'm getting older.

ELAINE: Oh! Well, I just think it's wonderful. Honestly! I've gotta run, but um, please, please give my best to Susan.

GEORGE: Yeah.

ELAINE: My most, just heartfelt congratulations.

GEORGE: Yeah. Thanks. Hey, listen, if you ever get a date, maybe the four of us could go out together sometime.

ELAINE: Yes! Yes, yes. Sure.

GEORGE: Wait, as a matter of fact, wasn't there some guy in your building that you said you liked? He lived up on the fifth floor or something.

ELAINE: Yes. Yes, yes. Yes.

GEORGE: Yeah! Boy, she is something, isn't she?

JERRY: Yeah, she's something else. Hey, so what happened? Did you hold your ground or...uh…

GEORGE: Nope. I wept like a baby.

JERRY: What?

GEORGE: Well, I started to tell her and then all of the sudden, for some reason, I just burst into tears.

JERRY: You cried?

GEORGE: I bawled uncontrollably. I just poured my guts out. And I'll tell you, Jerry, it was incredible. I never realized how powerful these tears are. I could have postponed it another five years if I wanted to.

JERRY, GEORGE, & KRAMER: Hey!

JERRY: Sorry about that movie-thing. I was joking around.

KRAMER: Sorry? Are you kidding? You did me the biggest favor of my life. I spoke to a lawyer, we're suing for millions.

JERRY: Suing? What for?

KRAMER: The coffee was too hot.

JERRY: It's supposed to be hot.

KRAMER: Not THAT hot.



[At George's home. He and Susan are in bed watching TV]

RABBI: (On TV) The prophet Isaah tells us without friends our lives are empty and meaningless.

GEORGE: Wait. Whoa! That's the Rabbi from Elaine's building. I just met this guy the other day.

RABBI: A young lady I know, let's call her Elaine, happened to find herself overwhelmed with feelings of resentment and hostility for her friend, let's call him George. She felt that George was somewhat of a loser and that she was the one who deserved to be married first. She also happened to mention to me that her friend had wondered if going to a prostitute while you're engaged is considered cheating. His feeling was they're never going to see each other again so what's the difference. But that is a subject for another sermon. Now, I'd like to close with a psalm.


The End

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