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We are living in a Society
Society, Socially, Sociological, Civilized, or Civilization nods
List Created by: Dan Coogan
Episode
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"Society"
(As George reaches for the phone, a woman snatches it and starts dialing)
George: Excuse me, I was waiting here.
Woman at phone: What? I didn't see you.
George: I've been standing here for the last ten minutes!
Woman: Well I won't be long.
George: That's not the point. The point is I was here first.
Woman: Well if you were here first, you'd be holding the phone.
George (yelling out loud, so everyone can hear): You know, we're living in a society! We're supposed to act in a civilized way.
Kramer is breaking up with his girlfriend.
KRAMER: I must have been out of my mind. Look at you. Why don't you do something with your life? Sit around here all day, you contribute nothing to society. You're just taking up space. How could I be with someone like you? Wouldn't respect myself.
Jerry (to Kramer) after Kramer suggests “Why don't you go behind one of these cars?”
JERRY: Maybe I should just go anytime I get the urge like you...wherever I am. There's too much urinary freedom in this society. I'm proud to hold it in. It builds character.
[George and Jerry are standing outside in the street. Across the street there is a restaurant called Dream Cafe. Sign says Grand opening.]
George: She thinks I'm a nice guy. Women always think I'm nice, but women don't like nice.
Jerry: This is amazing, I haven't seen one guy going in to that restaurant since it opened. Poor guy.
George: Why is nice bad? What kind of sick society we are living in, when nice is bad?
(George comments on his girlfriend Audreys’ nose -- and the discussion if she should get a nose job or not)
George: If it makes you happy, I don't focus on these things. I will tell you this: Unfortunately, we live in a very superficial society. I don't condone it, but it's a fact of life.
George asks a man at the airport “Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?” and the guy tells him there is a clock over there (basically does not want to tell George what time it is, for what ever reason) so George says “Let me see the watch,” and grabs the man's wrist. The man responds “Hey! What are you, some kind of nut?!” to which George replies “You know we're living in a society!”
Jerry (to George) regarding turning in Angela to the police for the hit and run accident.
JERRY: Oh yeah. Too bad. Angela. Lousy thug. I mean what kind of sick person does something like that? That woman belongs in prison! I mean, I actually owe it to society to do something about this! I can't sit by and allow this to go on. It's a moral issue is what it is!
Newman: (to Kramer) You wanna know why you can't go in front first? I'll
tell you why. because it signals a breakdown in the social order. Chaos.
It reduces us to jungle law.
Kramer is suspected of being the Smog Strangler -- being questioned by the LAPD.
Kramer: Ok, can I just talk to somebody? Can I just explain...
Lt. Martel: I'm not interested in your explanations, Kramer! Sure, I bet you've got a million of 'em. Maybe your mother didn't love you enough, maybe the teacher didn't call on you in school when you had your little hand raised, maybe the pervert in the park had a present in his pants, huh? Well, I've got another theory Kramer: you're a weed.
Kramer: No...
Lt. Martel: Society is filled with them. They're choking the life out of the all pretty flowers.
Elaine sneaks into first class on the airplane -- as she has been stuck into coach while Jerry and Tia (the model) are having a great time in first class.
Attendant: You're going to have to go back to your seat!
Elaine: Ok, fine. I'll go back... You know, our goal should be a society Without Classes!
JERRY: (to George) Again with the sweat pants?
GEORGE: What? I'm comfortable.
JERRY: You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweat pants? You're telling the world: "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable."
(George is baffled)
Elaine suggest picking up a bottle of wine on the way to the party and George doesn’t think they need to, but she thinks it’s rude, otherwise.
GEORGE: So you're telling me instead of being happy to see me, they're going to be upset because I didn't bring anything. You see what I'm saying?
JERRY: The fabric of society is very complex, George.
GEORGE: All right we got the wine. Aren't we lucky? We got wine. Woopee Whoa! Imagine if we didn't bring the wine. We'd be shunned by society. Outcasts! WHERE'S YOUR WINE? GET OUT!
GEORGE: I’ll tell you, if I was running for office I would ask for the death penalty for double-parkers. If this is allowed to go on this is not a society. THIS IS ANARCHY!
[Jerry in his Closing Monologue -- on the hat with the flaps]
I heard a weather man say, that, 75% of your body heat is actually lost, through the top of the top of the head. Which sounds like you could go skiing naked if you got a good hat. But there's no hat that makes a statement quite like the hat with the flaps. The hat with the flaps (grabs the hat and holds it up), makes a statement that no, that no other, hat makes. This hat says to the world "I would rather have the heat in my skull than anything society could possibly offer." In fact I would say if you're on trial for serious crime and you lawyer recommends the insanity defense, this is the hat to wear. I mean
your lawyer should really insist on it. He should just go “Your honor, [puts on the hat] The defense rests."
[George and Elaine discuss why some people eat a candy bar with a knife and fork]
ELAINE: So, yeah, that's funny. Hey, you wanna hear something weird? Mr. Pitt eats his Snickers bars with a knife and fork.
GEORGE: Really?
ELAINE: Yeah.
JERRY: Why does he do that?
GEORGE: He probably doesn't want to get chocolate on his fingers. That's the way these society types eat their candy bars.
[George and Mr. Morgan discusses having Yankee players at a PBS fundraiser.]
MR. MORGAN: A PBS fundraiser? I'm not gonna waste any of the players' time with that, besides the team already does so much promotion for channel eleven.
GEORGE: Channel eleven? Forgive me for trying to class up this place, for trying to have the Yankees reach another strata of society that might not watch channel eleven.
KATYA: So, Jerry, you're enjoying the circus?
JERRY: "Greatest Show on Earth"!
KATYA: My father used to take me to the circus. When the elephants came by, he would scream curses at them, blaming them for all the ills of society.
JERRY: Well, they certainly take up a lot of space.
JERRY: (reluctant) I, I don't want my picture plastered up in the lobby.
KRAMER: Imagine walking by someone on the floor, and you say "Hey, Carl!" and he says "Hey, Jerry!" You see, that's the kind of society I wanna live in.
JERRY: (still reluctant) Kramer, I don't wanna stop and talk with everyone, every time I go in the building. I just wanna nod and be on my way.
KRAMER: Imagine walking by someone on the floor, and you say "Hey, Carl!" and he says "Hey, Jerry!" You see, that's the kind of society I wanna live in.
George: Hey, by the way, if anybody wants an inside tour of the zoo, Siena works there as a trainer.
Kramer: So she works at the zoo?
George: Yeah, yeah.
Kramer: Yeah, like Diane Fosse. You know she's the only person that's ever been accepted into gorilla society. And you know, once those gorillas accept you, you got it made in the shade.
(RE: On thanking Alec Berg for the Hockey Ticket)
Jerry: No, I don't believe in it. I'm taking a stand against all this over thanking.
Kramer: Jerry, good manners are the glue of society.
Jerry: Hey, if I knew I had to give him eight million 'thank you's, I wouldn't have taken the tickets in the first place.
KRAMER: I want you to get on this phone and give him his 'thank you'!
JERRY: No. No, I can't!
KRAMER: Jerry, this is the way society functions. Aren't you a part of society? Because if you don't want to be a part of society, Jerry, why don't you just get in your car and move to the East Side!
(RE: On thanking Alec Berg for the Hockey Ticket)
Kramer: I want you to get on this phone and give him his 'thank you'!
Jerry: No. No, I can't!
Kramer: Jerry, this is the way society functions. Aren't you a part of society? Because if you don't want to be a part of society, Jerry, why don't you just get in your car and move to the East Side!
ELAINE: Ohhh! That's Sue Ellen Mishke!
JERRY: Sue Ellen Mishke?
ELAINE: That's the bra I gave here, she's wearing it as a top! The woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on, she's a menace to society.
KRAMER: You know, my arm really hurts. I wonder if its gonna affect my golf swing.
JACKIE: Well how would you describe this woman? Would you say she was an attractive woman?
KRAMER: Oh, yeah.
JACKIE: So we got an attractive woman, wearing a bra, no top, walkin' around in broad daylight. She's flouting society's conventions!
GEORGE: There putting in a lost and found because of me. There's a time limit but still.
JERRY: There really building a Utopian society up there huh. And you tribute all this to the calzone.
At the auction, where Elaine bids on JFK’s golf clubs (to win them for J. Peterman)
SUE ELLEN: Well. Hello Elaine. Jerry.
ELAINE: Hi Sue Ellen.
JERRY: Hi Sue Ellen.
SUE ELLEN: I'm surprised to see you here. Come to catch a glimpse of high society?
ELAINE: (faked laughter) Oh, ho ha ha. No, no, I'm actually here to bid, Sue Ellen. I mean that is if anything is to my liking.
JERRY: I'm here to catch a glimpse... of high society.
SUE ELLEN: Well, I hope you find something that fits your budget.
Elaine talking to Jerry and George about her new boyfriend -- that he’s gonna grow his hair back in for her.
KURT (to Elaine): I gotta call the office. Honey, would you order for me?
ELAINE (sitting down): I'm a "honey." He's pretty great, huh?
JERRY: Is he from the future?
ELAINE: No, he just shaves his head. I think it's pretty gutsy.
GEORGE: Listen, sweetheart, let me tell you a little something about guts. <Points to his head.> This is guts.
ELAINE: What? Clinging to some scraps?
GEORGE: These are not "scraps." These are historic remains of a once great society of hair.
Milos (Milos - Manager of the tennis pro shop) offers his wife as some sort of sexual payola to keep Jerry quiet... When George asks Jerry for details and Jerry responds that he didn't sleep with her...
GEORGE: So concerned was he, that word of his poor tennis skills might leak out, he chose to offer you his wife as some sort of mediaeval sexual payola?
JERRY: (explanation) He's new around here.
GEORGE: (hopeful) So, details?
JERRY: (walking away) Well, I didn't sleep with her.
GEORGE: Because of society, right?
JERRY: (weary) Yes, George, because of society.
VANDELAY: Will the defendants please rise. And how do you find, with respect to the charge of criminal indifference?
FOREMAN: We find the defendants - guilty.
VANDELAY: Order! Order in this court, I will clear this room! I do not know how, or under what circumstances the four of you found each other, but your callous indifference and utter disregard for everything that is good and decent has rocked the very foundation upon which our society is built. I can think of nothing more fitting than for the four of you to spend a year removed from society so that you can contemplate the manner in which you have conducted yourselves. I know I will. This court is adjourned.
"Socially"
GEORGE: I love it! This is fantastic! Look at this couch, is this velvet?!
BONNIE: Are you a velvet fan?
GEORGE: A fan? I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable.
GEORGE: I gotta find a way to work this out, I love that apartment. It's so cozy, I'm ensconced in velvet. You know, if it were socially acceptable--
JERRY: I know, you would drape yourself in velvet.
GEORGE: I've said that before?
JERRY: Many times. You love velvet, you want to live in velvet, everything with the velvet.
[George and Jerry discuss Ellen, Jerry’s girlfriend and the date they were on the night before -- on the date Jerry ponders why Ellen isn't celebrating with her friends]
GEORGE: So, she went out with you on a first date.. and it was her birthday?
JERRY: Yeah. And she picked the day!
GEORGE: Is she socially awkward?
JERRY: No, she's great! She's.. attractive, she's fun..
GEORGE: Well, maybe she decided to celebrate her birthday on the Monday after the weekend.
JERRY: She's not Lincoln.
"Sociological"
[George and Jerry discuss if wearing a wedding band makes you more attractive to women because you are unavailable.]
GEORGE: ... he got married six months ago. He told me ever since he’s been wearing a wedding band, women have been coming on to him everywhere he goes.
JERRY: Yeah, I’ve heard that about wedding bands.
GEORGE: I wonder if that’s really true.
JERRY: That would be an interesting sociological experiment. You know, Kramer has his father’s band. He’d loan it to you.
[George talking with Susan about her new lesbian relationship]
GEORGE: Listen. Let me ask you something. If you and Mona were ever to... dance, how do you decide who leads? I mean... do you take turns? Do you discuss it beforehand? How does that work?
SUSAN: You're an idiot.
GEORGE: Why? That's a *legitimate* sociological question.
"Civilized"
(As George reaches for the phone, a woman snatches it and starts dialing)
George: Excuse me, I was waiting here.
Woman at phone: What? I didn't see you.
George: I've been standing here for the last ten minutes!
Woman: Well I won't be long.
George: That's not the point. The point is I was here first.
Woman: Well if you were here first, you'd be holding the phone.
George (yelling out loud, so everyone can hear): You know, we're living in a society! We're supposed to act in a civilized way.
"Civilization"
[Jerry discussing swearing as a kid and then traveling in his Closing Monologue]
There's nothing more fun than cursing when you're a kid. I mean it's like getting the keys to the car isn't it? You're doing something you're not supposed to do and that's all you want. And there's nothing less fun than when you're an adult and having to use those..wholesome curses (with a lot of emphasis) 'Fudge' (more emphasis) 'Sugar' 'Con-sarnit' What the hell is con-sarnit anyway? I mean you stub your toe and you say con-sarnit you might as well say 'Yippee' But if you've ever been to a foreign country the first thing you learn are the curse words, right? You travel halfway around the world to experience some centuries old exotic civilization, the first thing you ask is 'How do they say doodie here?'
GEORGE: Do you realize in the entire history of western civilization no one has successfully accomplished the Roommate Switch? In the Middle Ages you could get locked up for even suggesting it!
George discusses trying to combine food, sex and TV together for “the trifecta.”
JERRY: So, how's the fornicating gourmet?
GEORGE: Doing quite well, thank you. Yesterday I had a soft boiled egg and a quickie. You know what? If I could add TV to the equation, that would really be the ultimate.
JERRY: George, we're trying to have a civilization here.
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