"THE CHANGE"

Written by Martin A. Stihec

TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. MASSACHUSETTS PRISON - DAY - ESTABLISHING

INT. PRISON - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

THERE ARE CELLS ALL ALONG THE LEFT SIDE OF THE WALL AND A WALKING AREA ON THE RIGHT. WE SEE JERRY, GEORGE, KRAMER AND ELAINE BEING ESCORTED THROUGH THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE HALLWAY TOWARDS BY A PRISON GUARD. ALL FOUR ARE DRESSED IN CIVILIAN CLOTHES, NOT PRISON CLOTHES.

JERRY

I can't believe it's all over. One year behind bars.

ELAINE

Finally. Finally I can have a real shower. Do you know how long it's been since I've had a real shower Jerry?

JERRY

Well, at least when you were in the shower you didn't have to worry about accidentally dropping the soap - hey Kramer.

KRAMER

(emotionally vulnerable)

I don't want to talk about it.

ELAINE

Huh, that's nothing. One woman tried to make me her "she-thing."

JERRY

Really? I always thought the girls' ward would be more... feminine than the men's.

ELAINE

(grunts)

Anything but. Most of them have twice as much testosterone than you do.

GEORGE

You think NBC still wants to do the series?

JERRY

I don't know. I tried calling them a few times but they didn't answer. I'll try again once we get back in New York.

ON THIS, WE

FADE OUT:

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

INT. PRISON - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

JUST WHERE WE LEFT OFF...

GEORGE

(TO GUARD)

Can I ask you a question?

PRISON GUARD

Sure.

GEORGE

Do they give you a chair to sit on while you're doing your rounds?

THE PRISON GUARD GIVES GEORGE A CONFUSED LOOK.

GEORGE

(EXPLAINING)

Y'know, a bench or something to rest on between cell blocks.

JERRY

George...

GEORGE

What? I'm just asking the man a question.

KRAMER

What do you need to sit down for anyway? I haven't had anything to sit on in my apartment for two years.

ELAINE

What are you talking about Kramer? I've seen your apartment, you have a couch. No chairs or carpet, but I remember seeing a couch.

KRAMER

Naa, I got rid off that piece of junk years ago.

JERRY

I thought I saw a table in there once...

GEORGE

(TO GUARD)

So, do they give you a chair of something?

PRISON GUARD

Nope.

GEORGE

Well, if I may say so, that's a little inconsiderate. You’re working, literally, with some of the worse scum the country has to offer -

PRISONER (OS)

Hey, who are you calling scum, tubby?

GEORGE (Cont'd)

And they don't even let you sit down for five minutes.

THE PRISON GUARD SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS.

GEORGE

Would you like a chair?

PRISON GUARD

I suppose if they gave me a chair I'd sit in it.

GEORGE

Well there you go. I'm gonna talk to your supervisor. Things are going to change around here my friend. They're going to curse the day they ever heard the name George Costanza.

JERRY

I know I have.

INT. PRISON ADMINISTRATIONS AREA - MINUTES LATER

THE ROOM IS NO MARE THAN A FEW DESKS AND AN ENTRANCE. WE SEE THE PRISON GUARD ESCORT JERRY, GEORGE, KRAMER AND ELAINE TO ONE OF THE DESKS. THERE IS A HEAVYSET WOMAN BEHIND IT. SHE TAKES OUT A BOX FROM UNDER HER DESK AND PUTS IT ON THE DESK IN FRONT OF THEM.

WOMAN

Mr. Jerry Seinfeld, Mr. George Costanza, Ms. Elaine Benes, and Mr. Cosmo Kramer.

JERRY

Yeah, that's us.

THE WOMAN GESTURES TO A PIECE OF PAPER STUCK TO THE BOX.

WOMAN

I need you all to sign here.

JERRY

Okay.

JERRY SIGNS HIS NAME, THEN GEORGE, THEN ELAINE. KRAMER STEP UP TO THE BOX - PEN IN HAND, AND ACCIDENTALLY FALLS FORWARD.

KRAMER'S POV

HE PLUNGES TOWARDS THE HEAVYSET WOMAN - PEN ABOUT TO HIT HER FACE.

INT. PRISON HALLWAY - DAY - LATER

JERRY, GEORGE, KRAMER AND ELAINE ARE BEING ESCORTED BACK THEY WAY THEY CAME BY THE PRISON GUARD. ALL WEARING PRISON CLOTHES.

JERRY

Ya had to trip, didn't ya?!

KRAMER

I said I was sorry.

EXT. MASSACHUSETTS PRISON - DAY

SUPERIMPOSE: FOUR DAYS LATER...

INT. PRISON HALLWAY - DAY - LATER

WE SEE JERRY, GEORGE, KRAMER AND ELAINE BEING ESCORTED - AGAIN, THROUGH THE HALLWAY BY A DIFFERENT PRISON GUARD.

GEORGE

So, you're telling me that they didn't even offer you a chair. How could they not do that! It's our right as Human beings to be able to sit -

        JERRY                        ELAINE

        (BOTH FED UP)

        Oh, will you let it go George!      Why don't you shut the...

INT. PRISON - NEAR ENTRANCE - MINUTES LATER

ALL FOUR ARE WALKING TOWARDS THE DOOR. GEORGE IS CARRYING THEIR POSSESSIONS BOX - WHICH IS COVERED IN BLOOD!

GEORGE

What if we're recognized?

ELAINE

Come on, it's been a year. Who's going to recognize us?

KRAMER

Yeah. People forgot who Princess Di was the day after her funeral.

EXT. PRISON ENTRANCE - DAY - CONTINUOUS

THEY WALK OUT THE DOOR.

JERRY

I doubt anybody even remembers who we are.

CROWD (OS)

Boo!!

THEY FIND AN ANGRY MOB IN FRONT OF THEM.

JERRY

On the other hand...

EXT. NEW YORK CITY - DAY - LATER

JUST TO ESTABLISH.

EXT. NEW YORY STREET - DAY - CONTINUOUS

JERRY, GEORGE, KRAMER AND ELAINE ARE WALKING DOWN THE STREET. GEORGE IS STILL CARRYING THE BOX THEY GOT FROM PRISON.

JERRY

(MID-SENTENCE)

... So I asked my parents to pay the rent on my apartment while we were in prison. It's going to be hell trying to give them the money back though.

ELAINE

I wish I had thought of that. I just got a friend to move all my stuff out.

(BEAT)

What about you George?

GEORGE

Oh, I, um... I've taken care of it.

JERRY

Totally slipped your mind didn't it?

GEORGE

Yeah.

JERRY

Well, I'm sure the landlord just moved all your stuff into storage.

ELAINE

You Kramer?

KRAMER

Jerry's...

JERRY

I'm paying for him too - as usual.

GEORGE

Elaine, you still got your job with Peterman?

ELAINE

I don't know. I haven't checked with him yet.

JERRY

You know, me and Kramer better check on our apartments.

GEORGE

Me too.

ELAINE

I suppose I'd better go see Peterman - OH, oh, Puddy! I totally forgot about Puddy!

JERRY

I thought you trying to breakup with him.

ELAINE

Yeah, I was. But I haven't had sex in over a year.

JERRY

Didn't you said you were someone's "she-thing."

ELAINE

No, I said she tried to make me her "she-thing."

JERRY

Oh. So she wouldn't take ya, huh?

ELAINE FAKE LAUGHS.

ELAINE

Very funny, Jugdish.

EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

JUST TO ESTABLISH.

INT. BUILDING ENTRANCE - DAY - LATER

JERRY AND KRAMER ENTER AND LOOK AROUND. THE LOBBY LOOKS DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT THAN IN THE SERIES; WALLS PAINTED PINK AND BLUE, ETC.

JERRY

What's happened here?

KRAMER

They must have redecorated.

JERRY

Redecorated? It's like an entirely different building.

A LADY TENANT WALKS BY - MRS. STRATON

JERRY

Hi Mrs. Straton.

SHE JUST WALKS PAST AND IGNORES THEM. A MALE TENANT WALKS BY - GUSS.

KRAMER

Hey Guss, hows the...

SHE JUST WALKS PAST AND IGNORES THEM.

JERRY

I can't believe it. I've lived here in the building nearly twelve years - must have talked to her a hundred times in the lobby, she doesn't even say hello.

KRAMER

I know; I was the one who introduced Guss to his fiancée.

(TO GUSS)

Thanks a lot buddy!

JERRY

I always thought Guss was a bachelor. Where did you introduce them?

KRAMER

In a strip club.

JERRY

Really? A stripper?

KRAMER

No, no. He was the bartender.

JERRY GIVES KRAMER A STRANGE LOOK.

INT. OUTSIDE JERRY AND KRAMER'S APARTMENTS - DAY - CONTINUOUS

JERRY AND KRAMER WALK UP TO JERRY'S APARTMENT. JERRY TAKES OUT HIS KEY AND IS ABOUT TO OPEN THE DOOR, WHEN HE REALIZES KRAMER IS STILL THERE.

JERRY

Aren't you going to check your apartment?

KRAMER

Yeah, but I'm hungry.

JERRY

You do realize that any food in there is over a year old?

KRAMER

Yeah, I know. So, come on - lets giddy-up-up.

JERRY SHAKES HIS HEAD IN DISBELIEF AND STARTS UNLOCKING THE DOOR.

INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY - CONTINUOUS

JERRY FINISHES UNLOCKING THE DOOR AND THEY BOTH ENTER. ALL OF JERRY'S FURNITURE IS GONE. INSTEAD OF A COUCH THERE ARE FIVE CHAIRS AND A LARGE DINING TABLE. THERE IS NO TV AND THE CARPET IS BRIGHT ORANGE. JERRY IS SPEECHLESS - IN SHOCK. KRAMER DOESN'T EVEN NOTICE AND HEADS STRAIGHT FOR THE FRIDGE - WHICH LOOKS LIKE JERRY'S BUT ISN'T.

KRAMER

Hey Jerry, didn't you have a pizza in here before we left New York?

KRAMER CONTINUES SCAVENGING.

KRAMER (Cont'd)

What's this?? Since when do you drink apple juice Jerry? Jerry?

JERRY

Kramer!

KRAMER TAKES HIS HEAD OUT OF THE FRIDGE.

KRAMER

What? What is it?

JERRY

Look!

JERRY WAVES HIS ARM AROUND THE APARTMENT. KRAMER FINALLY NOTICES SOMETHING ODD.

KRAMER

Oh. Guess they redecorated more than the lobby, huh.

JERRY

Something's very wrong here Kramer!

KRAMER

I know. Orange...

KRAMER MAKES A FACE OF DISGUST.

JERRY

Not the colour! My stuff! My Furniture!

WIFE (OS)

Try and keep it down in there Honey, I've just put Malcolm to sleep.

A WOMAN - WIFE, COMES OUT OF THE BEDROOM HOLDING A SMALL CHILD.

WIFE

Who are you?

JERRY

Who am I?! Who are you?!

WIFE

Get out of my apartment. My husband is a police officer and he'll be home any second, so don't try anything.

JERRY

Your apartment?! This is my apartment!

THE HUSBAND ENTERS THE APARTMENT - WEARING HIS POLICE UNIFORM.

HUSBAND

Honey I -

THE HUSBAND SEES JERRY AND KRAMER

HUSBAND (Cont'd)

Who are you people, and what are you doing in our apartment?

JERRY

It's not your apartment -

KRAMER

(OVERLAPPING)

It's our apartment.

JERRY

(TO KRAMER)

It's my apartment.

(TO HUSBAND)

I'm Jerry Seinfeld. I was out of the city for a year. I've lived in this apartment for twelve years - I told my parents to pay the rent for me while I was away.

HUSBAND

When we applied for the apartment the landlord said it was vacant.

JERRY

What??

KRAMER

Could I get something to eat?

JERRY

Come on Kramer, let's go.

KRAMER

But I'm hungry.

JERRY AND KRAMER LEAVE THE APARTMENT.

INT. OUTSIDE JERRY AND KRAMER'S APARTMENTS - DAY - CONTINUOUS

JERRY CLOSES THE DOOR BEHIND THEM.

JERRY

Well, let's try your apartment.

KRAMER PUTS HIS HAND IN HIS POCKET.

KRAMER

Uh oh.

JERRY

What now?

KRAMER

I can't find my keys.

(BEAT)

I'll have to go get my spare from Newman.

JERRY

Newman? I thought I was your backup.

KRAMER

You are. Newman's my second backup.