The Paycheck: (Part 2 of The Voice)
phone rings, George answers
Mr. Thomassoulo: George, this is the last time I ever want to speak to you. That lady your friends dropped the oil ball on files a lawsuit against Play Now and put us out of business. If it was up to me youd be in prison but we have been forced to pay our employees the remainder of their salary. This is it George, pick up your check at Human Resources tomorrow and may I never see you again
Jerry:.....so they're going to pay you the rest of your contract?
George: Because I used to work there....and they think I'm still handicapped
Jerry: But you indirectly put this place out of business
George: That's not how they see it
Jerry: I dont see how you can take that money
George: Jerry, they think I'm handicapped. I have to take the money they think I deserve
Jerry: Oh, I cant wait to see how this turns out
Kramer: Hey Buddy
George: Hey Kramer, you know that little stunt you and Darrin pulled with that oil ball at Play Now?
George: Well, that brilliant scheme just put a very nice little sum of money in my pocket
Kramer: Well, I think I'm entitled to my share
Kramer: Well, if it wasn't for me you wouldnt be in this situation
George: You cant be serious, you didnt even work there
Jerry: Oh come on take this court room scene outside
George: He's the one who almost crippled this woman, got his friend put in a prison and put the place I worked at out of business and he thinks he deserves compensation?
Jerry: He does have a good case
George: Kramer, the answer is no, no, no.....Absolutely not
Kramer: Well, I'm gonna have to see what I can do to change your mind and oh yeah Jerry, you should know I've been visiting Claire everyday in the hospital I feel terrible. She's a mess, she said you were obsessed with doing that stupid voice.
Jerry: Youve been visiting her in the hospital? First you cripple her then you want to be friends with herI cant even begin to describe how messed up that is. Well I'm going to that hospital to set her straight.
Kramer: Uh Jerry I would advise against that
Jerry: Why because she might find out what kind of creature you really are
Kramer: PLEASE JERRY PLEASE DONT!!!!!
End of Scene
(Puddy's apartment, under the covers)
Elaine: Oh David!!!
Puddy: Yeah that's right
(The two start talking)
Elaine: You see Jerry can't understand that we can have a relationship that is strictly sexual
Puddy: What's wrong with that?
Elaine: Notrhing. Nothing......(starts to doubt her herself) Nothing
Puddy: It's not like we have to talk
Elaine: What is that supposed to mean?
Puddy: What, nothing
Elaine: Is that all I am to you? Just a cheap date and an easy score. Well I'll tell you this, I am not. I am not and I will not let you think I'm just some easy bimbo. I have a reputation to keep (Elaine leaves)
End of scene:
George arrives at HR
(George goes up to desk)
Clerk: Can I help you?
George: Yes, I'm here to collect my payroll check
Clerk: What was your last name?
Clerk: Clark, Cole, Conn, Cooper.......No, no Costanza
George: What do you mean? (starts flipping through checks) It's got to be here somewhere
Clerk: Well, Im sorry, there is no record of a George Costanza here
George: OH HUH!!! YOURE NOT GOING TO GET AWAY WITH THIS!!!!!
(Kramer enters HR DPT.)
Kramer: Hey, George did you get it?
George: What the hell are you doing here?
Kramer: I'm here to collect my share of the money
George: There is no share, I told you youre not getting anything
Kramer: Well, that's not a way to treat a friend. I did you a big favor
George: You made my employer go bankrupt and then expect a reward?
Clerk: Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step aside
George: No, I want to speak to the head of Human Resources
Clerk: He's not here
Geoege: George is getting upset!!!
End of scene:
Jerry arrives at the hospital and enters Claire's room
Claire (who has a neckbrace): Jerry enough with that stupid voice
Jerry: This isn't about the voice. This is about you fraternizing with a Mr. Cosmo Kramer.
Claire: Kramer happens to be very helpful in a time like this
Jerry: You do know that he's partly responsible for you being in here
Claire: That ball of oil never would have hit me if you werent doing that voice
Jerry: Enough with the voice, I wasn't doing the voice, quit talking about the voice!!!
Claire: Well, he's been very good company to me since I've been in here
Jerry: Let me tell you something about Kramer, he's not normal. He doesn't do things like regular humans. I've lived next door to him for years and I still can't figure him out and I'm not sure why he's doing this but I'm sure he has an alterior motive
Claire: Well he's gonna keep visiting me and there's nothing you can do about it
End of scene
Elaine at Jerry's apartment
Elaine:.....so she's been seeing Kramer
Elaine: Well does she know that Kramer is responsible for her being in the hospital
Jerry: Yeah but that doesn't seem to bother her
Elaine: Doesn't it bother you that Kramer is seeing your ex-girlfriend?
Jerry: You have no idea. It's like theyre in another dimension. She has no idea what she's getting herself into
Elaine: It's a whole different world once you cross that hallway and she's just entered into it
Jerry: Who is it?
Jerry: Come on up
Jerry: So, how's it going with Puddy?
Jerry: Well what?
Elaine: He thinks all I'm good for is sex
Elaine: Jerry? That's not true. I'm not a one dimensional play thing
Jerry: What else can you do in a relationship?
Elaine:.....You know, dinner and a movie....and
Elaine: Oh Shut up
Jerry: Come on Elaine, think of him as a free agent, you know what you were getting when you signed him.
Elaine: I'm determined to make this relationship about more than sex
Jerry: Well considering I've never seen him outside of the body shop or a hockey game I'm willing to bet that you won't
George: Well, I'm sure Play Now is having a big laugh about this one
Jerry: What, you didn't get the check?
George: No, that said they couldn't find it
Jerry: Maybe, they just found out that your're not really handicapped
Elaine: What would give them that idea
Jerry: So what are you going to do?
George: I'm gonna do what I have to do
Jerry: What's that?
George: I dont know yet, I havent had time to think about. I bet it was stolen
George: Yes stolen, you know there are a lot of sick people out there
Jerry: Like ones who pose as handicaps
George: I'm serious Jerry, now who would want to steal my check? Who is someone that wanted revenge on me? Who wanted to see me hurt
Jerry: I'm sure I could think of a couple people
George: Well I'm not going to call back HR right now and see if they've heard anything (George dials)
Jerry: (to Elaine) did you try asking him what else he likes to do?
Elaine: No.....but Jerry I've looked down that road and its nothing but an empty pasture
George: Hello, this is George Costanza I was there today to get my check but it wasn't there.....I was just wondering if it was misplaced......Stolen?? Stolen? Well who stole it? You dont know, What do you mean you dont know? How could you not know? Uh huh.....uh huh.....okay.....fine (hangs up)
George: They said it was stolen, signed and cashed last week but nobody seems to know who it was
Jerry: Well Sherlock it looks like youve got a case to solve
Kramer: So, did you get the check?
George: No and why are you so interested?
Kramer: Because George part of that check is mine
George: Uh ho!! Kramer I already told you I'm not giving you anything
Kramer: How about this, If I help you recover that check you give me 25%
George: How can you be so sure you'll get it back
Kramer: That's what I do
George: What you do?
Kramer: Remember when I got that statue back for you? Believe me George I have my ways
George: Fine it's a deal
Kramer: Just meet me at HR tomorrow at noon
End of scene:
Elaine: Come on David, this relationship has to be something about more than sex
Puddy: Oh, yeah?
Elaine: Let's do something, lets talk, lets do an activity, something, PLEEEEEEEASE!!!
Puddy: Alright, you like sports?
Elaine: Not really
Elaine: Not really
Puddy: Well, that's about everything
Elaine: Come on!!!! You have to have some other interests
Puddy: What do you want from me?
Elaine: Alright, this obviously isn't working.....you ready?
Puddy: Yeah (they go to Elaine's apartment)
Jerry: So you tried to tried to take this relationship beyond sex?
Jerry: so what happened?
Elaine: I asked him if he had any other interests
Elaine: He's a dud Jerry-----a dud
Jerry: Well, I could have told you that------maybe youre just trying too hard
Elaine: That's the problem-------I've tried dumbing it down and I still can't think of anything all he wants to do is have sex
Jerry: And this is a problem? This seems like something you always wanted in a man------You can't resist each other but your not attracted to each other in any other way
Elaine: I cant keep this up word is going to get around
Jerry: I'm pretty sure people already know
Elaine: I'm not giving up on this
George and Kramer at HR
George (waiting for Kramer): Where is he?
Kramer: (arrives) Hey George
George: Where have you been? What is this big plan?
Kramer: Lemme talk to this guy
George: Go ahead (George hides off in the distance)
Kramer: (talking to the man behind the desk): Yes I'm Detective Von Nostrand, Ive heard about numerous acts of foul play occuring at this very establishment, now just give me some answers and we'll have no problems
Mr. Fillgrove: Yes, what's the question?
Kramer: You can start off by telling me your name pretty boy?
Mr. Fillgrove: I'm Mr. Fillgrove
Kramer: Okay Mr. Fillgrove, I have proof that someone has stolen a check from an employee at Play Now and I know that you know who it is
Fillgrove: Actually I dont
Kramer: Oh you dont
Kramer: Oh that's weird (Kramer pulls out a dollar bill and tries to bribe him).....I'm hip to your game..(Kramer rolls his eyes towards the dollar to try to get the clerk to notice it).......My friend Bill would like to know who took it
Fillgrove: Okay first of all you dont even look like a detective and second of all if youre going to bribe me at least start out at $5, SECURITY, SECURITY!!!!!!! (George and Kramer run away from security)
Jerry: So it wasnt there?
George: I'm not done with this------You can't keep me down
Jerry: Yeah-------an honest, good working man like yourself deserves money he didnt work for while posing as a handicap
George: That's not the point
Kramer: George, I got your back-------I was on the verge of finding out who took it but man that guy wouldnt budge, he was like a rock!!!
George: I thought you said you knew what you were doing
Kramer: I did, but he was really good
George: Well I guess I'm onto phase 2 of this search
Jerry: What does that consist of?
George: No idea
Jerry: Well I got to go back to the hospital
Kramer: What are you going there for? Claire's been released
Jerry: Im going to her house and try again to talk some sense into her
Kramer: Jerry, she told me that you were trying to keep us apart
Jerry: That's not it, I just can't have one of my old girlfriends thinking youre more normal than me
George: Who cares Jerry, you break up with a different girl every week and never speak to them again
Jerry: But none of them have ever dated Kramer
Kramer: She just happens to have seen real Cosmo Kramer, that's a place even you guys havent been
Jerry: That's a place I never want to see
Kramer: Well If youre going over there then I am too, I'm not just going to stand there when you try to ruin my world around me
sitting on the couch staring at each other
Elaine: That's it David, I'm on a sex ban until you do something creative, something interesting, something........
David: You ready?
Elaine:.........ah what the hell?
they enter the bedroom
Jerry and Kramer outside Claire's house
Jerry: This is it Kramer, you have to end this
Kramer: But I love her Jerry
Jerry: Oh knock it off, the only reason youre taking care of her is so that she doesn't sue your pants off
Kramer: What kind of person do you think I am Jerry?
Jerry: I know what kind of person you are, now get out your key and open up
They enter to an empty house on the way out they spot the stolen check stub on Claire's dresser
George: .....so it was Claire the entire time?
Jerry: Yeah, she left a note saying (Jerry reads note) "If you found this letter you can tell I've left New York. Ive used George's check to pay off all my medical bills since it was his fault i hurt myself in the beginning. I was using Kramer as a decoy so he'd never suspect a thing plus it was his fault too. Finally Jerry I did this to you because I knew deep down you never wanted to give up that voice, Well I'm the one whos laughing now, I hope you guys all get what you deserve, and oh yeah HELLLLLLLLLO"
George: So it was her the entire time?
Kramer: That's weird
George: How could you not have known?
Kramer: It never came up
George: Of course it never came up, she was using you to get to my money
Kramer: Youre right, she used me, she used me Jerry, she used me like a piece of cheap meat. I feel so violated
Elaine enters: Hey
Jerry: So what happened with Puddy?
Elaine: He broke up with me, he said he had a new job as a car salesman.
Jerry: That must be step up
Elaine: He said I was holding him back
Jerry: With the no sex thing?
Elaine: Yeah he said I was to strict on him and that he felt like a prisoner
Jerry: But you gave in every time
Elaine: Yeah I know thats why this is so hard
(they finish dinner and Jerry asks for the check)
Jerry: Check please
Elaine: (not knowing what just transpired) Speaking of checks, George did you ever find out what happened to yours?
George: Elaine......lets never bring that up again