"THE OPPOSITE OF SOMETHING"
EXT: SPRINGFIELD COMMUNITY
CHURCH - NIGHT
The church message board reads:
MONTE CARLO NIGHT TO SUPPORT GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS
"All denominations accepted"
The Simpsons are seen walking toward the church amongst other
INT: CHURCH RECREATIONAL HALL - CONTINUOUS
inside of the church is filled with smoke and betting
tables. A panning shot shows several of the booths names and
a large banner with cigarettes reads:
"Larimar Cigarettes supports your right to gamble with your
life." Bart walks up to a dunking booth where Rev. Lovejoy
is sitting atop. The pit below him is filled with bright red
dye. The sign reads:
$1 Break the communal wafer and send the reverend to HELL!
What gives reverend?
Hello Bart. Glad to see you here
supporting this blessed event during
United Religions week. We're very
fortunate to have the help of several
other religions for this worthy cause.
Here's your chance to humble me for
the sake of charity. Do you
what it takes to break the wafer?
Bart grabs a hollow plastic ball out of the bucket and groans
to himself. He throws the ball and hits the wafer, but it
just bounces off.
Breaking the wafer requires the power
of God's will...
Bart grabs another ball and reaches into his back pocket for
his trusty slingshot. BANG! The wafer is broken and Rev.
Lovejoy splashes into the tank. He lifts himself halfway out
of the tank.
...or the cunning of a devil's child.
(LAUGHING) See you at the confessional
Oh please Lord, just once let me
replace the penance of prayer with
of a crucifixion.
Marge and Maggie are sitting at a slot machine.
OK Maggie, cross your fingers for
The machine shows three crucifixes, one of which is upside
down. Marge pulls the lever and one red apple shows, followed
by another red apple and finally a third red apple with a
bite taken out of it.
(first apple) Wooo! (second
Woo Wooo! (third apple) D'oh!
Nelson is getting ready to play "The Hand of God", a claw
game that is set up to look like the arm of God. Rod and
Todd are running the game. The machine is filled with knives,
brass knuckles, cigarettes and heavy metal cd's, etc.
Hi, would you like to try your
and help us do God's work?
It's all for a great cause.
Whoa, is that an AC/DC cd I see?
Cool, here's your buck.
RODD & TODD
God bless you!
Nelson maneuvers the arm and stops it right above the Back
Black cd. The hand of God reaches down and firmly grasps
Alright!! I got it! I got it!
This is the coolest game I've ever
The hand of God moves towards the dispenser chute of the
machine, turns palm side up and crushes the cd into pieces.
Nelsons face goes totally blank. Nelson cups his hands by
the opening and catches all the pieces in his hand and you
hear the Lord's voice say...
Rodd & Todd jump for joy.
Homer and Lisa are walking around the hall. They pass a
booth where Apu and Manjula are running a Whack the Cobra
game in which three snakes keep rising up out of pots and
Milhouse is seen trying to whack them back down.
OK Lisa, which game do you want to
I'm not playing any games, I'm ashamed
to even be in here.
it's nice to support your local
church in all these holy functions.
Holy? You call raising money by
gambling a holy cause?
Of course Honey, it's God's way of
giving us a glimpse of his heavenly
paradise. Not all of us can make it
to Atlantic City or Las Vegas
every weekend, so he allows the local
churches to take the show on the
road, just like Neil Diamond
wrote in that song I like. You know...
(singing loudly) "It's Love, Brother
Love's Traveling Salvation Show..."
"Pack up the babies and grab the old
you don't have to play if you
don't want to, but don't ruin my
fun. I wanna take this church for
all it's got!
(Bowing his head in prayer)
Please God, let me win everything!
I've memorized the ten commandments
and swear to you and Allah, I will
live by your rules.
Homer and Lisa walk up to a booth run by Ned Flanders.
(IN A MANNER OF JERRY
HIS SWORN ENEMY NEWMAN)
Hi, Mr. Flanders.
So, what's the gimmick?
We see a roulette wheel with Roman numerals. Instead of odd
or even, it's good or evil and red or black is replaced with
a halo or horns. The double zero is replaced with a triple
Well my friend, all you have to do
is make the right decision.
where the marble will land and you
win. It's that simple.
What can I win?
Well, if it lands on a good number
or symbol, you win gift certificates
to the Holy goods gift shop at the
rear of the church.
And if evil wins?
Well, we haven't had many takers of
the evil side today, Homer, but...
If you choose and win, you'll receive
$10 worth of Springfield's
Instant lottery scratch tickets, a
dozen donuts, a twelve pack of Duff
beer or all three.
Woo Hoo!!! A little homer devil
appears above Homer's right shoulder
and starts singing.
LIL HOMER DEVIL
I am evil Homer. I am evil
I am evil Homer. I am evil
You're on your own, Dad.
Lisa walks off.
Care to place a donation Homer?
With pleasure. I'll take evil.
Homer places a one dollar bill on evil.
I'd have to say that's a bad decision,
Quiet preachy and spin the wheel!
The marble lands on 24 good.
Good, a winner again!
It's not too late to seek redemption,
How about $10 on the horns of hell
and shut up or I'll be confessing to
murder at the confession booth!
Alright, but you were warned.
The marble lands on 29 halo.
and a halo a winner again!
A little Homer Angel appears above Homer's shoulder.
LIL HOMER ANGEL
C'mon Homer, you know evil never
How can it, the goody two shoes have
the money. (walking off muttering)
Homer makes his way to a booth run by Krusty. There are 3
shells and a white ball on the table.
Hey, Hey!! Step right up and make a
fortune. Just pick which cup the
ball is under and win big! How about
you buddy, you look bright enough?
I don't know. I just lost my shirt
to Flander's and his stupid game.
I've been seeing that happen all
day. I tell you what, I'll make it
so a moron can win and you give me a
cut of the winnings...deal?
OK, but make it
Homer places a $20 bill on the table.
Just keep your eye on my hands and
remember where the ball is.
Krusty places the ball under
the right shell and then moves
both shells around very slowly without picking them up and
ends up with his hands in the very same position he started
in, making it obvious where the ball is.
OK my good man, where's the ball?
Homer, looking totally confident, points to the left shell.
No, you putz...It's right here where
I put it!
D'oh!! Easy enough for a moron, ehh?
Look, my mistake, I gave you too
much credit. Try again and this time
pay really close attention.
Homer plunks down another $20 and this time Krusty once
again places the ball under the right shell and then moves
them ever so slightly, keeping them right in the same place.
Champ, show me the ball.
Homer with a confident look again, points to the left shell.
Close up on Krusty, his face aghast with shock. He grabs
Homer by the collar.
Look, if you're with that Candid
Camera show, I'M NOT LAUGHING!!
Homer, dejected, walks away. He sees a nun sitting in a chair
with a sign above her that says "Pick one for a $1.00 ".
Alright, what's your angle?
have no angle dear, I'm just here
to help this church do God's work.
These are only games, they take no
thought, just a willingness to give.
Homer reaches into his wallet and finds his last $1 bill.
Well, GIVE is my first, last and
middle name here tonight. But you
look like the friendly caring face
I've been searching for . Do you
think God will let me win just once?
Only true fools are tortured souls.
cast a shadow of Wisdom and
kindness, it's my belief the Lord
has great rewards for you.
Homer smiles with a look of contentment and hands the nun
his last dollar. The nun takes the dollar, puts her hands
under the table and then brings them back up with clenched
Thank you sir. Now, which hand would
Homer with a confident look points to the right hand.
The nun opens her hand and a $2 bill is shown.
Woo Hoo!!! In your face lady, I'm a
winner! Woo Hoo!!
The nun, still smiling, opens her other hand and shows a
The gang comes together near the exit of the church and there
is a final table with a giant grab bag on top.
how did everybody make out?
Well, for 3 bucks, I was able to
send the Reverend to hell, AND win
this super cool x-box game David &
Goliath, which promises to be
A close up of the box and then to lisa.
You better learn how to read big
brother, that says Davey & Goliath
and I'm pretty sure there wont be
any blood, just lots and lots of
D'oh! I knew that shepherd was leading
They all turn towards Homer, who is sulking.
How did you do,
Everything I tried, I failed at.
lost all my money and even the nuns
wont take pity on me.
Oh cheer up Dad, at least you'll
leave here knowing your money is
going to brighten some poor
Yeah, but now, unfortunately I'm
Hey, check this out. A grab bag full
of goodies and it's free.
Marge reaches in and pulls out a t-shirt that shows Jim &
Tammy Faye Baker riding a rollercoaster with their hands in
the air, full of money.
Heyyy! I lost my shirt at Heritage
USA, now this will make up for it.
Lisa reaches in and pulls out a box full of Jelly Belly
Ohhh great, they're tropical flavored.
Bart reaches in and pulls out an x-box game.
Davey & Goliath II, This time it's
OK Homey, here's your chance to go
home a winner.
Homer reaches into the bag and then immediately screams out
loud in pain.
Attached to Homer's finger is one of his old Springfield
Olympic Mascots, Springy. Blood is flowing from his hand.
I thought I had seen the last of
these when I flushed them down the
Homer starts to twist the mascot, but Lisa yells.
Wait Dad!! You might be holding a
valuable collectible. Most
were destroyed at the bottom of
Homer pauses, with a quizzical look on his face, then proceeds
to stretch the springy apart.
Die, you lousy piece of junk!
Homer coils it into a ball and throws it wildly. It sails
through the crowd and hits the communal wafer at Rev.
Lovejoy's booth. It makes a crack in the wafer and slowly
starts to split. A close up of
a red-faced Rev. Lovejoy.
The Reverend falls again into the pits of hell.
INT. MARGE & HOMER'S BEDROOM - ESTABLISHING - NIGHT
Homer and Marge are in bed, Marge is trying to sleep while
Homer is watching TV.
C'mon Homer, turn off the TV and go
Easy for you to say, you're riding
high on your big winnings.
It was a t-shirt Homer...big deal!
Well it would be big for me, at least
you won something.Everything I tried
for avoided me. Now I need a little
TV to help put me to sleep.
Marge pulls the pillow over her head.
Alright Homer, but you'll be sorry
in the morning.
Homer flicks the channels till he comes to Ted Koppell on
Nightline. Homer starts to sneer, but keeps watching. A close
up of the TV.
...Tonight we bring to you a story
ordinary people getting rich on
the internet. The website is called
Ebay and this slack jawed yokel, one
Cletus Del Roy of Springfield...what
are you in?
That fact I a reckon I don't quite
know fer sure, but I do's know it'sa
east of Oregano.
(SCREAMING TO OFF AIR
Damn it! Someone clue me into where
the state of Oregano is!
Great, that clears that up. Cletus
is one of millions of people finding
big money on internet auctions.
recently put up for auction, this
very rare collectible of a mascot
A close up of the springy mascot is shown. Homer's eyes widen.
Describe to us what happened after
you listed it on ebay.
I didn't have it on there more than
20 minutes, when BAM! I had over 300
bids and the price soared from one
penny to over 300 pennies.
Close up of Homer in bed, laughing.
Heh, heh, heh. What a doofus. I knew
that piece of junk was a piece of
Back to close up of TV.
So then what happened?
Well, it all pretty much stayed that
way...until the last 7 seconds. That's
when we got our final two bids and
the high bid went from 303 pennies
to 74,845 dollars and 3 pennies.
Close up of Homer, screaming.
EXT. SIMPSONS HOUSE -
ESTABLISHING - DAY
Front view of
their home, sun rising from the backyard, bird
The SIMPSONS are eating breakfast. Homer is off screen,
what's up with Homer? Is it
Hamburglar day again?
Ohhhh, I warned him not to stay up
and watch NIGHTLINE.When will he
HOMER!! TIME TO GET UP, YOU'LL BE
LATE FOR WORK!...AGAIN!!
Homer enters the kitchen, his clothes all messed up and his
two hairs pointing in different directions.
Marge, you've gotta stop keeping me
up at night.
(ANNOYED) It wasn't me Homer, it was
that boring NIGHTLINE show.
Oh sure, blame poor old Ted Koppel.
The man's an icon Marge...an icon!
You know Homer, if you had watched
Dave instead, you wouldn't be having
these morning blues.
I'll give you 10 reasons why I won't
1 He stinks!
2 His stupid pet tricks aren't stupid.
3 He hates Ted Koppel.
He does not hate Ted Koppel, you do!
You only watch that show to sneer at
are you talking about? I enjoy
every minute of his show, it's
Flanders I can't stand.
Homer, this nightowl foolishness has
got to stop, you're going to lose
Oh, so now he's after my job too,
David Letterman doesn't want your
Not him, that jerkface Flanders!
INT: HOMER & MARGE'S
BEDROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT
Homer and marge are in bed and Homer is watching nightline,
sneering at Ted Koppell.
lousy Ted Koppel, thinks he's so
Hmmmm...Maybe the boy had a point.
Homer changes the channel to the David Letterman show. David
from a paper.
...and the number one thing banned
from the Vice President's snack food
A top ten list
appears on screen with the following items
10. Pork Rinds
7. Hot Dogs
6. Pork Chops
5. Pixie Stix
4. Fried Peanut
(enraged) points the remote at the TV
See you in HELL, LETTERMAN!!
Instead of the tv shutting off, it changes channels and lands
on a seinfeld episode (The Opposite) where George, Jerry and
Elaine are in a booth talking.
It's not working, Jerry. It's just
What is it that isn't working?
It all became very clear to me sitting
out there today, that every decision
I've ever made, in my entire life,
has been wrong. My life is the
complete opposite of everything I
want it to be. Every instinct I have,
every aspect of life, be it
something to wear, something to
eat...it's all been wrong.
Ahh, George, you know, that woman
just looked at you.
Elaine, bald men, with no jobs, and
no money, who live with their parents,
don't approach strange women.
Well here's your chance to try the
Yeah, I should do the opposite, I
If every instinct you have is wrong,
then the opposite would have to be
Yes...you're right! I will
opposite. I used to sit here
nothing and regret it for the rest
of the day, so now I will do the
opposite and I will do something!
Close up of Homer's face, his mouth is hanging open in awe.
We hear the seinfeld noise that closes each scene.
EXT. SIMPSON'S HOUSE - ESTABLISHING - DAY
Front view of their home, sun rising from the backyard, bird
INT: KITCHEN- CONTINUOUS
Marge is making breakfast and shouting up to the kids to get
up as Homer walks in.
KIDS! It's time for breakfa...aahhhh!!
Homer, you scared the Bejebus out of
Heh, heh, heh, Jebus. Sorry Marge,
but I'm turning over a new leaf,
Well great, rising early is a nice
start. How many waffles this
6 or 8?
Forget the waffles.
Just half a pound of bacon
Forget the bacon too. I'll have a
toasted bagel with light cream cheese
a granola bar.
(a look of shock on her face)
Ooooohhhh, there's something wrong
with the water again.
heads toward the phone and presses the poison control
button which is #1 on the speed dial.
No, no, no, Marge. There's nothing
wrong with the water, I'm just going
to start doing the opposite of every
instinct I have.
Because every decision I've ever
made in my entire life has been wrong.
So, the opposite would have to be
Where'd you come up with this?
Late night TV.
Thank you Johnny Carson.
Incorrect Marge, Thank you Jerry
We hear the seinfeld noise.
EXT: SIMPSONS DRIVEWAY - MORNING
Homer is walking towards his car whistling, just as Ned
Flanders approaches him.
Good diddley morning to you Homer.
(GRUMBLING TO HIMSELF)
Opposite, opposite, opposite..
Good diddley morning to you Neddy.
Can I help you with something?
Well, actually Homer, I was looking
to get some advice on a pickle of a
Let me hear it, I'm all ears.
Well, it seems I accidentally booked
the boys and I up for two worthwhile
events this saturday, and I'm not
sure what I should do? They're both
pretty close together time wise and
I'm not sure how I could squeeze the
both of them in. Any suggestions?
(IN DEEP THOUGHT)
Hmmmm....Instead of trying to give a
50% effort on both, decide which one
you want to do and give it 100%.
Then call and give your regrets to
the other thing, I'm sure they'll
That's great advice Homer, but how
should I decide which one we should
There are 3 of you Flanders, so a
simple vote as to who wants to do
what will settle this peacefully and
Homer, you're a true friend and a
great advisor. Thank you from the
bottom of my heart.
Don't mention it neighborino.
Homer jumps into his car and waves back to Flanders in the
INT: HOMER'S CAR
(with a big smile, feeling good about
himself) Woo Hoo!!!
Homer is walking toward the counter with an armful of items.
He places them down on the counter and we see a six pack of
Fudd, a playgirl magazine
and a pint of vanilla sherbet.
Good morning Mr. Homer.
Good morning Apu...just picking up a
few things for work. How about a
Of course, which would you like
Drooling for Doughnuts or Lotto
mmmmmm...doughnut's. NO, WAIT! I'll
take a Lotto Lettuce, please.
Very good sir, good
Homer reads the ticket instructions aloud.
Get your rabbits to multiply and win
$1 for every rabbit.
We see a
close up of the ticket and it shows three dark rabbit
holes. Homer scratches the first one and two rabbits are
Two happy bunnies.
Homer scratches the second hole.
Ooooohhhh! Four happy bunnies.
Homer scratches the third hole.
Hoo!!! 100 tired but happy
Congratulations Mr. Homer, you are
the first customer I see that has
any action from these bunnies.
The state likes to keep all the action
Thank you Apu, now I'm off to a great
day at the power plant.
Thank you sir and come again.
EXT: FLANDER'S HOME - SAME DAY -
INT: FLANDER'S LIVING ROOM
Rodd & Todd are sitting on the couch and Ned is kneeling in
front of them.
Now boys, we have a decision to make
and we need to make it as quick as
Is it about cloning for medical
No son, I wish it were that simple.
We need to decide whether we are going to help with the church
choir food drive today or with the Helping Hands walk a thon.
Why can't we do both?
Well, unfortunately, there just isn't
enough time to give to both.
How will we decide which one to do?
Well boys, your Uncle Homer had a
great idea. He said that there are
three of us, so we should vote on it
and do what the
I want to do the food drive.
I want to do the walk a thon.
Both eyes are on Ned. A close up of Ned, sweating.
Well, darn do diddley darn, I'm not
sure what to do.
He pauses and looks up towards the ceiling.
Please God, help me decide which is
He folds his hands, closes his eyes for a moment, then looks
thoughtfully at the kids.
A close up of
the boys smiling.
I guess we will do the walk a thon.
A close up of Rodd's face, tears welling up.
You and God love Todd more
Oh Heaven's prayer, NO! That's not
it at all!
Rodd starting whaling.
Oh please stop crying Rodd!!
Todd & Ned comfort Rodd.
It'll be ok Rodd, they're both worthy
Ned thinks for a moment.
You know what? Why don't we give our
total support to the food drive
Close up of Rodd, his face brightening.
Would that make you feel better?
up of Rodd with a big bright smile and a nod.
A close up of Ned with a growing smile.
A close up of Todd, tears welling up in his eyes.
Oh Dear Lord!...
A close up of both boys holding each other, crying.
FADE IN: FLANDER'S LIVING
ROOM - 3 HOURS LATER
Rodd & Todd still holding each other, crying.
Boys, boys, we REALLY need to get
started. People are counting on us
do God's work.
He want's me to do the food drive!
He want's me to do the walk a thon!
Ned shows his
frustration with an angry outburst.
GOSH DARN IT! WE CANT DO BOTH!
WE NEED TO CHOOSE!!
A close up of Rodd & Todd in shock, followed by loud crying.
RODD & TODD
A close up of a depressed Ned.
Oh God, Please show me the way.
A fading shot of all three holding each other, crying.
INT: SPRINGFIELD NUCLEAR POWER PLANT - MR. BURNS OFFICE
Homer is standing in front of mr. Burn's desk. Smithers is
standing next to a seated Mr. Burns.
OK Simpson, I've got good news and
I've got bad news. Your tardiness
here at the plant as safety inspector
is about to earn you some recognition.
Mr. Smithers is holding two envelopes.
Will it be good...or BAD?
evilly) Choose one, Simpson.
We see smithers with an envelope in each hand, smiling
Which will it be Simpson?
Homer has a look of total confidence.
I'll take the left one, please.
Smithers hands the envelope to Mr. Burns. He opens it, smiles
broadly, then turns it for homer to see.
Homer Simpson, you're FIRED!!
A close up of Homers exasperated face. Then a view of Smithers
and Mr. Burns laughing in joy.
You should have taken the other one
Homer turns and walks away slowly, mumbling to himself on
the way out.
I DID take the other one...what
INT: HOMER'S CAR IN PARKING LOT
Homer is still talking to himself in disbelief.
How could I go wrong? I did the
opposite...this cant be right.
We see him driving through Springfield. He approaches the
Springfield Unemployment Office.
INT: SPRINGFIELD UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE
Snake is in line, with dollar bills sticking out of his
pockets. Cletus is also in line, wearing a snazzy suit, a
gold necklace and gold rings on each hand. Homer looks off
to the side and see's three people sitting down who look
Hey, don't I know you?
(Puffing on a pipe) Ohhhhh, you might.
The three of us use to be quite an
act on TV.
AAHHHH!!! You're Kramer!
Yeah, well, I used to be...once upon
And you're Elaine!
Yup, that was me.
Hi, I'm Jason, I used to play George.
Homer grabs Jason by the neck.
Why you little!!! Just do the
opposite, ehh?! Now look where
Julia and Michael pull Homer away from Jason.
Hey c'mon pal, take it easy, we're
all on a bit of a downer.
What are the three of you doing here
Wellll, there's no way I can afford
the hollywood lifestyle now!
Same here. I've been doing commercials
for chicken feed. Literally,
money, just chicken.
And you? (looking at Julia)
Wellll, ya know. Jerry canceled the
show, I spent some extra time with
the hubby and kids, I started my own
show, yadda, yadda, yadda, here I
Soooo, what line of work are you in
Yeah, I wish. I'm a safety inspector
for a nuclear power plant.
I was, until MR. Burns fired me for
picking the wrong
morning. Now I'm just Homer Simpson,
Julia, Michael and Jason all look at each with a look of
surprise on their face.
It, it, it's UNBELIEVABLE!!
What the hell are you talking about?
Michael puts his arms around Homer and gives him a big hug.
Then he steps back and puts his hands on his shoulders.
Homer, the three of us have been
trying to put a show together, but
couldn't come up with a work
And you think a nuclear power plant
is the right setting?
How would you like to help us create
a brand new TV program that'll blow
that's ever been done
Me work in TV?
This could be the opportunity of a
Will you help us, Homer Simpson,
executive consultant of The Uranium
MICHAEL, JASON & JULIA
(Together) WOO HOO!!
I knew I picked the right envelope!
Michael gives him the thumbs up sign.
Giddyup again, partner.
Soooo... what network will be airing
this...ABC? NBC? CBS? HBO?
No, none of those.
We're going with FOX.
Fox?? Eeewwww! Why Fox?
(Depressed) They're the only ones
who will have us.
EXT: THE SIMPSONS HOME - LATER
Marge is washing dishes. Homer walks in.
Marge!! You won't believe the day
I'm having! I've
been doing the
opposite and I've won $100, lost my
job and then accepted a new job in
(recovering) No Marge, it's true!
No Homer, I mean get out, you're
ruining my freshly waxed floor! Get
out, get out, get out!
Homer grabs Marge and leads her into the living room where
Jason & Julia are sitting on the couch.
Marge, meet my new associates, George,
Elaine & Kramer.
Homer, it's not Kramer, it's..
Oh right, I'm sorry. It's Cosmo.
Oh my god! Julia, Michael
it's really you!
The three actors smile and nod.
Marge cups her hand over
What'll the neighbors think?
goes over to the curtains and pulls them shut. As
she's pulling them shut, she notices Ned pleading with Rod &
Todd to stop crying. She
frowns and looks back at the four
adults in the living room.
(To the three actors) Excuse us.
Marge pulls Homer into the dining area, but not out of ear
shot of the others.
Homer, what on earth were you
Homer shrugs his shoulders and grunts the words "I don't
(Grunting) I dunno.
You had a solid working position at
the plant, now you're gambling on
The three guests all look at each other solemnly.
Marge, how can you say that? These
people were part of the greatest
sitcom ever. Seinfeld!
Look, if you were banking on doing
something with Jerry or even that
guy who played Newman, I could see
your enthusiasm...but I'm sorry, I
think this is a big mistake.
Well fine, Marge. Think that
but doing the opposite is the right
to do and it hasn't failed
Oh really? Just what kind of advice
did you give Ned this morning?
The total opposite of what I really
felt, which if all is right in the
world, should've made the morning a
little bumpy for dear old
flanders...heh, heh, heh.
Marge leads Homer to the front window and opens the curtains.
Take a look at what your great advice
done for him. He and the kids
were humiliated in front of two
charity groups today for being too
late to help!
Homer looks out at Ned and the boys and a great look of shame
comes over him.
(Shocked) I didn't realize just how
powerful this opposite thing was.
Pan out to the Flander's again and then back to a sadder
(Sadly) Ohhhh, Marge, what should I
do? I really want to help
I do that without screwing up?
Marge steps forward and grabs Homers hands in hers.
Ohhhh Homer...for just this one time,
forget all about the opposite thing
and just follow your heart.
A look of uncertainty grows on Homer.
I have faith in you Homer...
She looks over at the 3
actors sitting on the couch.
...and your friends too.
He looks toward the three actors on the couch. He stares for
a few moments and then a slow smile comes to his face.
I've got it!!
He turns to marge and gives her a big kiss.
Thank you Marge!
Homer turns to the three on the couch.
(Quickly) Kramer, Elaine,
George...we've got a job to do!
(TOGETHER) A JOB!!!!
EXT: SPRINGFIELD MALL - DAY TIME
A long line of people extends outside the mall.
INT: SPRINGFIELD MALL - LEFTORIUM STOREFRONT
The line of people goes to the front of Ned's store. A table
set up with a sign overhead that reads:
"AUTOGRAPH SESSION WITH THREE MEMBERS OF SEINFELD".
100% of proceeds to benefit the Springfield Choir & the
Helping Hands Community group.
& Jason are seated at the table. On either
side are alter boys with the collection plates on polls,
with a sign on each that says "Donations: $20 minimum". They
pass the collection plate in front of each autograph seeker,
then dump them into two large barrels of money.
Among the people in line are members of the rock group AC/DC,
most notably Angus Young in his schoolboy outfit, seen talking
to the nun from the monte carlo night.
So, are you boys big fans?
No, not really. We just like to stop
for worthy causes when we're out on
tour. You're here to support
cause as well?
Oh, oh yes...and I also want to meet
that Kramer character. There's just
something about him...
Cut to Ned and the boys coming up the escalator. Homer and
the rest of the family are at the top encouraging him to
Neddy, Come quick! Hurry!
Ned & the boy's run up the escalator.
What's going on Homer?
Here you are Neddy, just a little
help for your groups by some of my
Oh my Lord...
Cut to the front of the line where comic book guy and Moe
are 1st and 2nd in line.
COMIC BOOK GUY
Jason, I am a BIG Seinfeld fan, but
that episode where George gets a
front office job with the
Yankees...Worst episode ever!
Moe is addressing Julia & Michael.
Yeah, well, I'm just here to support
the causes and to tell you three
that I think it really blows, the
way you ditched poor Jerry and made
him cancel the show. You should be
ashamed of yourselves!
Moe looks straight at Jason.
At least you got chicken to eat,
poor Jerry is back working comedy
clubs...and you know how crappy they
We see Jerry and his wife Jessica, dressed to the nines,
pushing a lavish baby carriage.
What's going on over there?
Jerry notices his three former co-stars, but keeps walking.
Nothing at all.
They continue walking right on by.
(Quietly to himself) Just a whole
lot of nothing.
Cut to Homer
& Ned standing together watching the crowd.
Thank you Homer.
Don't mention it Neddy.
Ned shakes Homer's hand.
Once again Homer, you've proven to
be a fine friend.
Rrright back at ya, Neighborino.
Homer and Ned hug.
Bart and Lisa stare at each other in shock.
Are you feeling what I'm feeling?
Yes! It's like deja vu.
Nahhh...it's more like jumping a
We see Bart & Lisa look at each and after a moments pause,
they just shrug their shoulders and then put an arm around
a proudly smiling Marge who's holding Maggie.
EXT: SIMPSONS HOUSE - CONTINUOUS- NIGHT TIME
A message at the bottom of the screen says "2 months later"
INT: SIMPSONS LIVING ROOM
We see the entire family sitting in front of the TV.
Well Marge, are you ready to eat
Save some for us, we need to eat
Homer! I'm sure your show is going
to be great. I'm sorry if I doubted
you at first.
We're all proud of you, Dad!
Yeah, you're the man, Homeboy.
Maggie gives a thumbs up.
We see a close up of the TV. An opening shot reads:
" The Uranium Files"..starring Michael Richards...Jason
Alexander...and Julia Louise Dreyfuss. A pan back to Homer.
Thank you all soooo much, I knew you
would see how right the opposite can
Back to the TV. It now reads: Executive Producer...Homer
Simpson.. The TV goes blank for a few seconds. Then a voice
is heard saying...
The Uranium Files has been canceled.
We now bring you a better program.
We see the opening credits for : "America's Ugliest
Bachelor's". Back to Homer.
(Aghast) What happened?
Well Homer, you've succeeded once
You just crushed Chevy Chase's
What?? That cant be! I did
opposite.The opposite, Marge!
Well Homey, if you still want to
follow that theory, then it stands
to reason now, that every opposite
decision you have will be wrong, so
now your initial decision will be
right, just the way it ought to be.
Hmmmm...could it be that simple?
Ya know Dad, The Osbornes are really
BIG these days, maybe your next show
should be a family based reality
Heyyy...you make a good point. We
could call it The Simpsons!
(laughing) Heh, heh, heh. The Simpsons
on Fox, I wonder how long that would
last? Heh, heh, heh.
Probably about 15...
We see just a blue screen, then the ending credits start to